Archive for August, 2010

How Is This Different?

Look, it's his mugshot

Brace yourselves because this is going to come as a shock. Are you ready? There has been another political scandal. I know. I was shocked too.

This week it’s Toronto mayoral candidate Rob Ford. It has come to light that he has a criminal past. You’re all probably thinking “Oh, it’s just something small and insignificant” but it isn’t really. According to his record he has a DUI and drug charges. He has also been heard making anti-immigration comments. It’s not been a good few weeks for him. Ford sayt that he is still going to continue his campaign to become Toronto’s new mayor.

I’ve been wondering why he is continuing this campaign. I am also comparing this to the ending of Adam Giambrone’s campaign. I am also wondering why no one has “advised” Ford to bow out of the mayors race. Compare both the issues. Ford did drugs, drove while drunk and said some inappropriate things about immigrants. Giambrone had sex with a woman that wasn’t his wife.

You can see the similarities.

Can’t you?

oh.

If Giambrone hadn’t left the race he would be on my list of people I might vote for. I’ve met him and he seems like a nice person. I don’t see why he had to leave because of what he did. Bill Clinton didn’t have to leave the presidency because of a similar incident. Neither did David Letterman. I know he’s not a politician but you get the idea.

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Tall or Short. Both Have Problems

I am constantly on the receiving end of comments by short people about how I have it easy because I am so tall. I am not that much taller than most people. In fact people today seem to be generally taller than they were a few years ago.

There is a common misconception that tall people live life better than shorter people. There are just as many “hazards” for tall people as there are for short people. Sure I, as a taller person, can do certain things that a short person can’t, but there are things that I can’t do that a short person can. I can reach the top shelf in the kitchen without a stepladder and I can see over most of the people in front of me. Simple little things that are sort of added bonuses in life. Then there are the problems. Things like hitting my head on low beams and doors and getting hit in the lower regions by things that would have hit me in the stomach and hurt quite a lot less if i’d been shorter.

The biggest problem for tall people is rides. Small people complain that they are two short to get on all the good rides and tall people are lucky because they can go on all the rides. This is wrong. The only people who can ride the good rides properly are the people who are exactly the height of the line that says how tall you have to be to ride or the people who are within seven or eight inches taller than the line. Once you get to the point when you are taller than the sign itself, then you start to have problems. Then you start sitting in rides and have your knees touching your chin or your neck bent at a funny angle so your head fits in the ride.

Its easy for a small person to say “this seat is too big” or “these pants are too long”. Thats what cushions and sewing machines for. But what happens when the seat is too small or the pants are too short. I don’t think the technology has yet been invented to make pants longer.

I still wouldn’t want to be shorter though. As much as I complain, I still like being tall because people move out of the way when I walk through a crowd and less people want to fight me because they think because I’m so large that I’m actually stronger than them.

Oh, and I can make fun at shorter people.

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What could be in the book? AKA I didn’t know he could write

After reading this it will become abundantly clear how I feel about Justin Bieber.

In case you can’t get enough of Justin Bieber you will be happy to hear that he is writing a book. This came as a shock to many people including me who didn’t know that he could read let alone write full sentences. I was surprised that he could sing songs with words longer than two syllables. Also if you are happy that there is going to be a book because you are genuinely interested in the contents because you want to know all about his tough struggle to the top then stop reading right now.

I am genuinely interested in the contents of this book. Not because I want to know about his story. I don’t. Really I don’t. There is no story. The whole thing could be told in a thirty second news clip. He posted a video of him singing a song on YouTube and girls thought he was cute so he became famous and got a record deal. That’s it. I just wrote his book in one sentence. Whats the worst part about that. Did he have to upload the video using dial-up. So what? I had dial-up until last year. Feel sorry for me not him.

The reason I’m interested in the contents of this book is because I don’t think there are going to be any contents. It’s going to be one page of writing written by someone else followed by some colour pictures of him taken by someone else for all the girls (and guys who think he’s a girl) to drool over. The book is called “First step 2 forever” by the way. No that isn’t a typo, there actually is a “2” in the title. There is also no “s” on the end of “step”. The book should be called “The only step to 15 minutes of fame” by other people.

There are other things that this book could turn out to be. Toilet paper. Something to put under a wobbly table leg. A coaster. The list goes on.

Of course there are other possible things that might be inside that might make me and all the other 900, 000 people in the Facebook group, laugh. Perhaps there will be something actually written by him that will make no sense whatsoever and leave his fans thinking he’s an idiot. Right now quite a few people do. If you haven’t seen the video of him getting hit in the head with a water bottle i suggest you go and see it now. Right after he gets hit he says “ow. I don’t know why you would do that”. I think he actually is an idiot. Either that or he is a really good actor. Why doesn’t he know why someone would throw stuff at him? They don’t like him. Doesn’t he get it? Obviously not.

Maybe there will be a misprint in the first editions that just sends out a cover and a hundred blank pages. That would be good. I don’t think anyone would notice. Or a first draft with all the editors notes. I think that is highly unlikely. The printers would run out of red ink very fast. Although if he actually wrote it, it would be on a napkin or a pair of womans underwear (size: small or a thong. There would still be lots of empty space) or something like that.

Theres also going to be a movie. I hope he doesn’t play himself. If he did he would be the first person to play themselves in a movie about their life. It would take selfishness and selfcenteredness (I don’t think that’s not a real word but I think you get the idea) to a whole new level.

So to conclude, I’m not looking forward to this book or movie. Every time I hear one of his songs I feel like shoving a pen in my ears so I don’t have to hear the rest of it. On the other hand, I can’t wait for him to hit puberty so his voice changes and he tries to sing “Baby” two and three fifths of an octave lower. Its going to be hilarious.

I look forward to your letters.

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Stories from Downtown

Here are a couple of incidents I observed today while I was downtown that I think are quite amusing. Most of them happened in HMV.

1. While in HMV there was a little boy with his dad. A Justin Bieber song started playing and I heard the kid say “Daddy, why is this song making my ears hurt?”. That kid is awesome. I felt like going up to the dad and saying how awesome his son is. (In a non creeper way)

2. There were three girls dressed like Taylor Swift (Nerdy glasses (same style and colour), blonde hair, that style of clothes) walking side by side through the Eaton Centre who walked up to a guy standing a few feet from me in HMV and said stuff (not sure, wasn’t really listening, I’m not that much of a creeper) words were exchanged and he ended up saying “I don’t like Taylor Swift” loudly enough for me to hear, to them and one (seemed to be his girlfriend) actually slapped him. It was hilarious. It was like a scene out of a movie. I tried so hard not to laugh out loud.

3. You know how when you were young your parents would come up with ways of not letting you have that toy you wanted without actually saying “No, you can’t have it”‘. There was a kid throwing a tantrum because his mom wouldn’t get him a game he “Really wanted”. She went through the usual things like “put it on your christmas list” which always worked on me. Then when he wouldn’t listen she used on I’ve never heard used and I think she was bluffing but it worked, she said “Fine, you can have it but we’re not going to the game if you get it and I know how much you want to go”. This made the kid go crazy because you could tell he wanted the video game but at the same time he wanted to go to the game equally as much. It was really funny seeing him trying to figure out if his mom was bluffing or if she really was going to not take him. She topped it off by saying “I’ll just phone dad and tell him to give away the tickets”. Sadly (in my opinion) he still considered getting the video game but it was funny to watch him thinking of the pros and cons. It was like his head was going to explode. You had to be there.

4. There was actually a huge line outside of the apple store today, of people waiting for the iPhone 4. No, they didn’t get a new shipment. These people were waiting in the hope that the truck would arrive so they might get one. I heard one of the store employees saying to one of the people asking about the iPhone 4 that if the truck didn’t arrive today that these people would be back tomorrow hoping the truck would show up. Nutters or what?

More of these will be posted when I see them. Try finding some yourself. Just listen to the people wherever you are. Don’t eavesdrop just don’t ignore whats going on around you. You might be surprised.

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The Essence of Racism

While listening to Q on CBC radio today there was a debate about the hiring of a white woman as fashion director at Essence Magazine. A magazine for black (african-american if you want) women. The debate was between two women who read the magazine. One didn’t think that a white woman should have this position and that she should be fired and replaced with a black woman. The other said she didn’t mind as long as the white woman did a good job. In other words she defended her.

I have to side with the woman who is defending the new fashion director. Essence Magazine obviously had a reason for not hiring a black woman as fashion director and it isn’t racist or discrimination to hire a white woman. At least it wasn’t last time I checked. If Essence Magazine had wanted a black woman as fashion director then they would have hired one. The woman who wants her fired is completely out of line, in fact she is the one who is racist. There is very little outcry over the fact that the new fashion director is white and from what I heard she is doing a good job. There is no reason to fire her. If she was fired simply to replace her with a black woman there would be a line of lawyers wanting to represent her in a lawsuit.

The woman who doesn’t want the fashion director to be white can either like it or go read another magazine. Either way for the time being she isn’t going anywhere.

To read more and see what others have to say visit the Q article and read some of the comments

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Twitter in 140 Words

I was going to try and do this in 140 characters like a true tweet but is is quite difficult. Maybe sometime in the future I will figure it out. Anyways. If you were looking at someones twitter feed or perhaps the live global feed (everyone on twitter) this is what you would see.

Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, Crap, friends, Girls who think they have a chance of getting a message from Justin Beiber, a couple more friends, Crap, Crap, Crap, people you kinda know from that thing you went to and you’re only just following them to be nice, celebrities, people pretending to be fictional wives of celebrities (I’m talking to you @MrsStephenFry and @MrsEddieIzzard), Crap, Crap, stephen fry, Crap, Crap, Crap, old politicians who are trying to communicate with the “technological generation” but are really just embarrassing themselves and should stop, more crap, retweets of people you don’t follow and really have no intention of following and make you wonder why you are seeing this because the new retweet format shows their profile pic instead of showing who retweeted it, spam bots, more stephen fry (cause everyone follows him), and me.

And some of that crap really is crap.

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Foursquare for People Who Don’t Go Anywhere

There was a review of an App for the iphone during an episode of App Judgement called GetGlue. Some of you might know that I use this and some might not.  GetGlue is a lot like Foursquare but instead of checking in to places that you are at, you check in to things you are doing. This is mostly movie, music, games, and TV shows but there are also books and almost any other topics you can think of.

Here is the episode of App Judgement explaining GetGlue,

You should at least try it. If you do, add me, I’m WillPenman

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